Journal Entries and Prayers
by haizakis
Summary: A journal entry every day , a prayer in the morning and one before he sleeps. Tadashi's dead, Hiro's not going to accept it anytime soon. But what if he was given a chance to see his dear brother once more? Did God finally answer his prayers or had he begun hallucinating? Whatever it is, he's going to find out the reason to why all of this is happening to him.
**JOURNAL ENTRIES AND PRAYERS: CHAPTER 1**

Written by: HARU (Psychopathic Liar)  
Written on: 12/13/2015 – Ongoing

A/N: Um yeah i wrote this kinda long ago. just kind of. i originally wanted to write all chapters to just publish it all in one go but then im like nvm i'll post one chaoter and see how it goes haha

so anyways, if you've read the poem version of this its like a prologue or sneak peak-ish of this story so yeah here's the real deal lmao

 **TRIGGER WARNING: LANGUAGE! DEATH MENTION!**

* * *

( やめる.)

 _Fuck that notebook—and my prayers too._

( やめる.)

"Fuck."

Another journal entry written and it was the same like all the other entries. It was full of prayers and regrets.

He kept on praying and writing. Ever since his death he kept on doing it; a prayer in the morning and another one before he goes to bed then a journal entry every evening. Oh how he felt so holy.

His fingers traced the letters, eyes gazing upon the words, and lips muttering the sentences he wrote. The light was dim but enough for the boy to read with ease. The temperature was cold and it was enough to make him shiver. It must be winter already. Hiro closed the notebook and sighed. Eyes closing as images flashed and crossed his mind, "Fuck memories." he muttered as he opened his eyes once more. His brown orbs were mirrors to his soul and it reflected nothing but the void and dullness. He pushed himself from the desk and stood up from his seat. Checking his clock he clicked his tongue upon realizing it was near midnight.

Walking towards his bed his gaze averted from it and focused at the scenery outside his window. The beautiful deep blue sky blanketed beneath the stars and the clouds—and oh there was the moon! A simper fell upon the boy's mien.

"What a beautiful night… too bad I lost the fucking will to care." he stated monotonously as he took his blanket and got to bed.

Pulling the blankets up to him once he was comfortable he stared at the dark and blank ceiling. He closed his eyes and emitted a deep breath. He clasped his hands together and started to speak, "Lord. Please bring him back to life…" he prayed. To be frank, it was a stupid prayer. He opened his eyes as he turned his body and faced the window.

"Worthless, pathetic me…" he mumbled to himself before drifting off to unconsciousness.

( やめる.)

The sun rose and the birds were chirping. The vehicles were noisy and people's voices mixing with each other. What a wonderful morning. Hiro finally woke up. His eyes slowly opened as he groggily sat up from his bed and rubbed his sleepy eyes. Stretching his twig-like arms and legs he scratched his head as he yawned. He clasped his hands and closed his eyes, "Lord. Please make this day alright—and please bring him back." he prayed. Opening his eyes once more he sighed and rolled off from his bed he crawled his way to the bathroom.

Today was another day to go to school, he hated it. Waking up so early in the morning and sitting in class for an hour, he's already done with that but luckily that's his schedule only on Tuesdays and Thursdays while the rest were all afternoon classes. He gradually stood up and held the door knob to the bathroom and twisted it open. Pushing the door as he came in he closed the door once more as he walked directly towards the sink. He stared at his own reflection and noticed how his hair was getting worse every morning. "Ah fuck bed heads…" he muttered he took a glass and a mouthwash. Pouring a bit of the mouthwash in the glass and mixing it with the tap water he brought the glass to his lips and gargled the liquid. He set the glass down and he gargled for a minute then spat it out. He turned the faucet to wash the sink. Cupping his hands and filling it with water he splashed it on his face.

In a split second a beaming smile appeared on his face. "Now this is a good face to start my day." he said to himself with a nod as he ignored the droplets of water dripping from his cheeks and chin. He took a towel from the cabinet and hanged it on the towel rack. Undressing himself as he got into the bathtub he took his ruby duck and toyed with it. It has been some time since he gave this toy attention. A grin forms on his lips as he poked it. He grabbed his liquid soap and put all over the tub and mixed it with the water using his hands. After a few moments bubbles formed.

"At this rate I'll be late for school." He mumbled as he emitted an exasperated sigh.

He poured shampoo all over his hair and began to rub his hands on his head. Closing his eyes he imagined the days when he would take baths too long that his older brother would barge in and rinse his hair then pull him out of the tub. Unconsciously, as he was rubbing his hair his hands were doing a shark's fin along with all the bubble. Hiro came to his senses and poked the bubbled on his head. A small smile formed on his lips as he stood up and slowly got out of the tub to take a peek at the mirror. A light giggle emitted from his lips as he continued playing with the large amount of bubbles and shampoo on his hair.

"Arr! I'm a pirate!" he said joyously as he had an eye closed. He made a pirate hat as he took the bidet and toyed with it. The next moment he was a chef, "And now I serve you Lucky Cat Café's new and improved, Flan." He said as he held an imaginary tray. Hiro was about to do his next act when a familiar feminine voice called out to him.

"Hiro! Are you awake yet? School's about to start in like—five minutes!" Aunt Cass was such an amazing aunt.

Hiro immediately got back into the tub and opened the shower. Rinsing all the bubbles on his hair he rinsed his body as well. He drained the water from the bathtub and wrapped a towel around his waist. Dashing off and going to his room he took his favourite pair of cargo pants, his red shirt that he always wears and never forget the denim blue hoodie. His outfit won't be complete without his hoodie. Drying his hair with a towel he took one last glance at the mirror and smiled as he ran outside his room and then downstairs.

"Hey Aunt Cass! I guess I woke up a bit late haha!" he said laughing as he scratched the back of his head. Aunt Cass clicked her tongue as he gave him his doughnut. "Alright, alright now run off to school! You'll be late!" She scolded but afterwards she had a soft expression on her face as she kissed the top of his head. "Have fun in school, okay?" Hiro stared at her for a second and smiled, "Yeah…"

She knows.

The days and nights that he's spent to pray just for him to be back. The entries he's been doing all night—hoping that one day he'll open the door and say, "Hey! haha sorry—college was a bit hectic today… oh? Did I make you worry? Haha sorry, sorry…"

But that was impossible.

He was **dead** —as dead as a fish that hasn't been on water for three days.

He exited the café and ran as fast as he could to his school. Oh he remembered his high school days. It was short-lived but it definitely caused a big impact on him. The students looked at him with suspicion and ignored him. He was bullied, he was isolated—and that was when he grew to hate humanity.

It was great though. Having no friends meant that he can easily just leave and skip as many years he could and eventually he graduated. Hiro left that god forsaken school with horrible students and lived a life indoors, well not for the most part since he'd sneak out and do illegal bot fighting.

Although he never really considered going to college his brother was able to persuade him. He was excited; to be able to be in the same class with his brother? It must be so fun! But alas he's dead and now he no longer feels the excitement he used to feel.

He took out his phone and took a quick look. "Haha what the fuck." Just one more minute before class starts and he isn't even halfway near his school. He gave up on running and simple started walking. "Well not that it matters anymore." he muttered as he took out the donut inside the paper bag and started munching on it. He crumbled the paper bag and threw it in a nearby trash bin. "Feels so good to not care at all." he said with a carefree sigh.

Finishing off his doughnut he licked his fingers and wiped it on his jacket. Although surprisingly he didn't expect that he'd bump into someone. That man was rushing; he was in a hurry and accidentally bumped on the poor boy. "Hey watch it—!" Hiro scolded as he regained his balance as looking sideways his eyes widened in surprise. "… Tadashi…?" he muttered in disbelief.

The man who was running halted in shock as he tilted his head. "Um…? I think I may have misheard you—I'm not who you think I am. Also sorry to have bumped you—anyways I'm in a hurry! Bye and sorry again!" He said in a quick manner as he ran off once more. He wanted to stop him, to ask him question—to know who he was.

How could he be so identical to him?

Hiro was dead frozen on the spot. His heart was beating so fast that it felt as if his heart would explode!

"Nah… maybe I'm just going crazy 'cus of my fuckin' prayers—haha…" he told himself. There was no way Tadashi could be here, besides he's been told that the dead could never live again.

But still—why did he look like Tadashi?

( やめる.)

Perhaps ten minutes already passed and finally Hiro arrived in class. His professor was definitely not happy. His brows furrowed as he raised his voice on the boy. "This is the tenth time you're late in my class! What's your excuse now?" He said angrily. Hiro simply shrugged his shoulders, "No excuse, sir—just woke up late." he answered.

The lecturer sighed as he told Hiro to go to his seat. "This is the last time you're allowed to be late! If you get late again then you'll be sent to the principal's office!" he warned as he signed the attendance notebook. Hiro gave the professor a thumbs up as he sat on his seat. The male simple shook his head, _'When will that boy ever learn…?'_ he thought as he continued teaching what he had left off.

Hiro stared at the whiteboard uninterestingly as his mind full of thoughts. _'Who is he…?'_ he asked himself in thought.

( やめる.)

Classes came to an end and the bell chimed signaling the start of their extracurricular activities. Hiro picked up his bag and exited the classroom and on his way to the Nerd Lab but unfortunately a large crowd was blocking the doorway. "Hey could 'ya all move away?!" Hiro said irritably. He already expected no one to listen to him but much to his surprise a pair of eyes made eye contact with him.

It was the same man he's been thinking about.

"Oh man! The new student looks sooo cute!" a girl said. "Nuh-uh! He's hot as fuck!" another girl retorted to the previous girl's statement. _'Good God it's these girls…'_ Hiro thought as dread was written all over his expression.

"I think he made eye contact with me!" someone said in a high pitched voice. "Oh no girl, he looked at me!" wait that must be that one bitch in class Hiro hates. Oh how he wanted to vomit.

"Bro he looks totally chill—we should befriend him." Hiro raised a brow. He knows this voice; it was that one Yankee in his class. Hiro tried to take a peek once again and see _him_ but all these tall students were a pain in the ass, or more so his short height was a pain in the ass.

He wasn't going to lose. He squirmed and tried to fit in the small spaces. It hurts though, since bags had items and some items are hard. After about a minute or two he was able to be free. He took a deep breath before he stood up straight. He took a quick glance behind him and once again—another eye contact with that man who looks exactly like his deceased older brother.

It took about three seconds before Hiro got back to his senses. No that man was different; he was not his brother. Hiro averted his gaze and continued on walking. There's no time and thinking about that new student—besides he's going to meet up with his friends.

( やめる.)

"Ah… H-Hi!" he greeted with a beaming smile as he was panting from all the running. "Well you sure are late by three minutes… care to tell us why?" the professor said as he looked at him with suspicion. "Well… you see—the cat in the neighborhood couldn't leave me alone so I kept it company for a while and then I lost track of time." he said with a sheepish grin. The professor sighed as the other students in class laughed. "Well I guess that's okay…" he murmured.

Much to the professor's surprise a student stood up and pointed at him, "Lmao! Prof likes cats!" he said not hesitating to laugh out loud. The other students brought out their phones and started posting what just happened in their profiles.

"Oh my god—honestly I wouldn't have thought sir would actually like cats…" the bitch of the class said.

"I shit you not I thought he was into some kind of demonic beast!" another bitch said.

The new student simply smiled _. 'Guess I'm gonna have classes with these people on some days…'_ perhaps it wasn't all bad. At least he could have a fun time in class, he'll just have to be careful or else his mistakes would spread like a wildfire.

The professor's cheeks grew bright red in embarrassment as he gritted his teeth. He slammed his hands on the desk and shouted, "Alright! Test next meeting-! Study all the topics we've tackled!" He said with a huff. The students groaned in frustration as they whined, "But sir-! We've tacked like… about four topics and those topics have subtopics!"

"Tsk, it's about time we have a test. Anyways you haven't introduced yourself—please take the platform." The professor said as he sat back down. The new face gulped as he blinked twice. He was a tad bit nervous, besides who knew he'd be recommended in this school— ** _again_**?

"Uhm… The, the name's Makoto Mamoru!" he said with a small wave.

A short moment of silence and suddenly a guy spoke up, "Yanno you look familiar." he said out of the blue. Some others nodded and agreed with him. "Ahaha… I get that a lot…" he said as he scratched the back of his head. "Alright, alright go and find a seat Mister Mamoru."

Makoto scanned the room and found a vacant seat. Walking towards to the seat a pair of emerald green coloured eyes was staring at him rather intently. She was in disbelief. _'Could it be…?'_

He took his seat. He set his bag on the side and properly placed his notebook and pen on the table. He felt a tad bit uncomfortable so he glanced to the side and there he found the culprit. Someone was staring at him. He smiled gently towards the girl hoping she'd notice that she was staring at him. The blonde female blinked twice and averted her gaze immediately. _'That smile… it's gentle yet it feels distant…'_

 _'I wonder who she is…'_ he thought _. 'Her pair of eyeglasses makes her cute too—haha…,'_ he added as he faced the whiteboard once more.

( やめる.)

Hiro walked to his Nerd Lab and once he was about to push the door open there was a light tap on his shoulder. Bolting up in surprise he turned his head and saw Honey Lemon. "Oh hey, Honey! What's up?" he asked curiously. It was unusual for the blonde chemist to have a troubled expression before entering the Nerd Lab.

"Well… you see Hiro…" she trailed off as she gulped, "Yeah…?" Hiro said in reply as his heart beat paced faster unconsciously. "You see—there's a new student and… he looks exactly like… _Tadashi_."

Ah this was what he feared. He thought it was just him losing his mind but apparently Honey was also losing her mind. "Nah, you must be goin' crazy. I saw someone who looks like Big Bro this morning and thought that it must be my prayers making me delusional." he took a short pause as a small smile formed on his lips, "And you like Big Bro, right? You must be praying a lot too and now you're hallucinating." he said with a small smile. Honey fell silent. What the teen said was true—all too true. She fell in love with him but she was never able to tell him how she felt and now her feelings were left hanging. Ever since Tadashi died she began to pray for him to come back, for her to wake up in this horrible nightmare but alas what she's living in now is reality.

But she was sure that what she saw was real.

"Anyways let's go in the Nerd Lab, maybe Fred got something cool to talk about today." He said with a chuckle as he pushed the door open. Honey nodded at his statement as she simply just followed behind him. She was still preoccupied with her thoughts about the new student.

Greeted by the bright light of the room he and the chemist entered the Lab. "Mornin' guys!" Hiro said with enthusiasm as he waved. Honey waved as well with a cheerful smile and the others greeted them back. "Hey guys! I've got hamburgers here! Wanna try some?" Fred said as he held up the food in his hands. Hiro chuckled as he nodded, "Yeah sure, Fred!" he ran up to the older male and sat beside him. "So what's up everyone?" Hiro asked as he took a bite on his hamburger.

"Well I've heard something about this new student—it's been causing a big commotion honestly it's been bugging me since they keep on blocking the hallways… geez…" Gogo said with an irritated sigh as she popped her bubble gum. Unfortunately Wasabi wasn't present yet since his class starts in the afternoon, hopefully he'd be able to tell his reactions about the new student.

"Ugh… you bet—I couldn't get out of class because all those bitches in class kept on overcrowding the doorway, I thought I'd be flat dead there." Hiro said with a shiver upon remembering how he had to squeeze in and escape.

"Huh? What new student? I don't think I've heard any news of that yet." Fred said with curiosity.

"Ugh I've already told you that like just an hour ago…" Gogo said with an unimpressed expression on her face.

"Uhh… I don't think I remember." the blonde male said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. The female smacked his head as she emitted a sigh. "Well whatever, there's this new student who seems pretty popular with the girls. I've heard he's got the brains too." Gogo explained as she crossed her arms.

"…" Honey was still silent. Being able to be in the same class as the new student, it made her uncomfortable. "Uhm… earth to Honey…? You in there?" Gogo asked the blonde chemist as she waved her hands in front of her eyes. Honey gasped in surprise as she smiled weakly, "Y-Yeah…"

"Mmm… not convinced but whatever. What's your reactions to this new student?" Gogo asked. "Well you see… I'm in the same class as him…" She admitted as she sighed. Fred and the others nodded growing more curious.

"Ah… his name's Makoto Mamoru and well… he does look good but…" Before Honey could continue Hiro finished her sentence, "He looks like Big Bro." he stated monotonously.

"What seriously?!" Fred said as he slammed his hands on the table. "Hey watch it, moron! You almost hit my doughnut!" Gogo scolded. "Oops… sorry." He said with a laugh in reply. Before Fred could possibly say another word about the said topic there was a knock on the door.

"Oh! Pizza's here!" Fred said with excitement. He jumped up and down as he skipped to the door. Grabbing his wallet from the pockets of his cargo pants opened the door and his eyes were wide in shock that made him drop his wallet.

"What the fuck."

* * *

A/N: it was so much better in my head im sorry :' )


End file.
